CRIME GIVE HUGS NOT DRUGS Once again, drug offenses topped the leaderboard, clinching the gold medal with a whopping 28 incidents. Of those, 19 were for "simple possession" of marijuana — aka Mary Jane or the devil’s lettuce. We’re not saying there’s a green thumb movement emerging, but if you see suspicious amounts of pizza delivery trucks around town, you can probably guess why. SCIENCE BELONGS IN A LAB In more serious news, we had two folks caught with Schedule 1 narcotics. Four individuals decided to live out their fantasy of being amateur chemists, possibly channeling their inner “Bill Nye the Science Guy” with a meth lab twist. Two others chose to juggle fentanyl and one brave soul thought it was still 1985 and tried to take a joyride with some cocaine. A word to the wise: “nose candy” won’t win you any powdered donut contests, but it will win you a one-way ticket to next month's blotter. DUS IS FOR DUMMIES Coming in at second place this month: noise complaints, with 20 neighborly disputes. As usual, most of these were probably from people who didn’t get an invite to the party. Rounding out the top three was driving under suspension, with 17 thrilling incidents. Of those, 13 were for DUS first offense. We had three secondtimers who should know better by now and — drumroll, please — one individual reached the coveted DUS third offense. It’s unclear if they’re trying to win some kind of repeat offender loyalty program, but they’re definitely racking up points. CARS DON’T RUN ON BEER New to the lineup this month is everyone’s favorite: open container violations. These 17 poor souls forgot that cracking a cold one inside your car is, well, frowned upon. Don’t say we didn’t warn you, folks — no drinking on the beach or in your car unless you want a starring role behind bars and not the kind you drink at. DO THE MATH, NOT METH We also had nine cases of public disorderly conduct, with one individual upping the ante by adding "hindering and resisting" to their resume. Bonus points to the two open container violators who decided meth was the perfect sidekick to their road trip. Talk about a messy situation — they definitely "meth-ed up" this time. DON’T DUI IT And finally, our DUI numbers are down — only eight this month. Either people are learning, or they’re just getting sneakier. Seven of these were for first-time offenders, while one person decided a sequel was in order with a second offense. We’re still taking bets on whether this trend will hold through next month. SNORKELING FOR AN SUV Oh, and we had one special couple who thought a boat ramp was a connector over a waterway, taking their car for a swim. Luckily, their seat cushions doubled as flotation devices, and they were able to exit the vehicle safely. 13 IslandVibesIOP.com PLAY STUPID GAMES WIN STUPID PRIZES The following incidents were obtained from the Isle of Palms Police Department Media Log Reports. This is a parody of real criminal events that took place between August and September. The names of individuals and business locations have been omitted out of respect and privacy. POLICE BLOTTER isle of palms NOW OPEN! Harris Teeter Shopping Center 1517 Palm Blvd, Suite D Isle of Palms, SC 29451 justbeachyiop.com justbeachycarts.com Rentals & Sales! LSV Golf Carts E-Bikes & Bikes Electric Scooters Surfboards Boogie Boards Skateboards Helmets & Pads Coolers Beach Chairs Beach Tents Outdoor Speakers Pool Floats Toys & Games Clothing & Hats Sunglasses Sunscreen & More! ON-DEMAND CARE WITH A PERSONAL TOUCH CALL OR TEXT (843) 242-7362 OR VISIT THEISLANDDR.COM | 103 PALM BLVD, SUITE DR. SCOTT SMITH EVERYONE IS WELCOME $50 FOR BRIEF VISITS | $95 FOR EXTENDED VISITS No Insurance Accepted, but no insurance necessary.
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