“ ” Matt is the quintessential agent... BLAIR H., BUYER “I’ve been buying houses for over 30 years and never have I run into a more professional and quintessential expert. Matt understands all of the idiosyncrasies related to transactions and is always looking out for his clients. He saved me a lot of money by being proactive and supportive. Hire Matt first —anyone else, you’ll regret it.” “Matt helped us sell our home on Isle of Palms after the listing had grown stale with another Realtor. Matt is honest and hard-working and does exactly what he promises.” A Carroll Realty Broker 843.532.6288 MATTDEANTONIO.COM RON & TRACY S., SELLER CRIME Rookie of the Month Following up on our last report, we’re thrilled to announce the final recruit for our underage Isle of Palms rugby team. This one is a triple threat. Our latest recruit, aiming for the team captain title, has a minor in possession, a first-time DUI and not one, not two, not even three, but four counts of possession of false ID. A pro tip for next time: Try using ‘Nick Pappagiorgio’ on your fake ID. It’s got a better success rate! DUIs on the decline In a twist of fate, DUIs have dropped to nine this month, two less than last month! It’s a small win, but we’ll take it. Is it a sign of collective learning or just the off-season lull? Summer is around the corner and we’re prepping for another round of ‘DUI Whack-a-Mole.’ Suspension anyone? Remember when getting suspended meant you mouthed off in class or rode down the hallway in the principal’s chair propelled by a fire extinguisher? (Real lesson learned, don’t.) Ah, simpler times. Now, we’re talking about suspensions of a different sort. This month, driving under suspension nearly doubled to 40. The city may have to increase its public safety budget to hire Oprah Winfrey. She’ll be handing out DUS citations like it’s a favorite things episode: “You get a DUS! You get a DUS! Everybody gets a DUS!” We hit a record with 18 first-time DUS incidents, three second-time incidents and three thirdtime incidents, with one ambitious individual also nabbing the title of ‘habitual traffic offender.’ Three strikes is indeed the magic number to join this exclusive club. Mostly green, with a dash of white Now to our drug violations, down a few ticks from last month to only 20. The usual suspects are the Green Monster, Reefer Madness, Mary Jane and their fragrant friend, Stinky Pete. But only one this month strapped on the skis and plowed some snow as he cut tight lines through the fresh powder and blew past everyone, leaving them in the dust to get to the nearest vending machine to grab some coke (hint: not Coca-Cola). This individual is also a part of the DUI and suspension teams. A true go-getter. I’m sure their LinkedIn is blowing up with job offers. 12 IslandVibesIOP.com By Detective Dusty Dunes SAME LAWS STILL APPLY IN NEW YEAR The following incidents were obtained from the Isle of Palms Police Department media log reports. This is a parody of real criminal events that took place between Dec. 17, 2023 - Jan. 17, 2024. Names of individuals and business locations have been omitted out of respect and privacy. Remember, this is a humorous take on the police report and is not intended to make light of the serious nature of these offenses. Always stay safe and within the law, folks! POLICE BLOTTER
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