IslandVibesIOP.com 12 This is a satirical summary of real incidents reported on the Isle of Palms over the past month. All names and events are based on public records and presented here with comedic exaggeration. July Fourth brought more than just fireworks to Isle of Palms, and the fireworks certainly weren’t the only things lighting up and filling the air with smoke. Let’s explore the month’s most memorable mishaps, courtesy of your Isle of Palms PD. Our drivers delivered stellar performances of “driving under suspension,” boldly piloting uninsured or unregistered vehicles as if they were parade floats. Special applause goes to the daredevil who combined a suspended license with speeding 25 mph over the limit — talk about freedom! July’s smoky festivities extended beyond fireworks, thanks to a record-setting number of marijuana violations. Our favorite: the dynamic duo pulled over for speeding 15 mph over the limit, proudly holding their stash. Subtlety, it appears, went up in smoke. Teens continue to amaze, acting like they’re starring in the newest Grand Theft Auto expansion: “Isle of Palms: Blue Light Blitz.” Reckless driving, speeding and bonus points for no license, they turned our streets into a poorly-rendered video game. Kids, stick to Xbox. It’s cheaper than bail. Gun enthusiasts also impressed with multiple unlawful firearm incidents. Two groups stood out. Sumter’s champions combined firearms possession, habitual traffic offenses, suspended licenses and reckless driving into one chaotic showcase. Sumter’s peaches are great, but their exports of troublemakers have become equally renowned. Summerville answered by dispatching minors armed and license-less, proving that youth is no barrier to ambition. OK Summerville, you’re no Channing Tatum, and “Stomping the Isle of Palms” is not an option. It’s not a competition. It’s almost as if they looked at Sumter’s entry and said, “Hold my juice box.” So aiming high, figuratively, and unfortunately, literally, was the goal. POLICE BLOTTER Until next month Isle of Palms, keep the sand between your toes, fireworks in the sky and your nonsense to a minimum! Sumter vs. Summerville Rivalry: Sumter delivered grown-up mayhem; Summerville responded with youthful exuberance. Keep it friendly next time, and preferably legal. Most Likely to Succeed (in Court): Hats off to the Orangeburg crew, whose narcotics supply rivaled a small pharmacy. Between the weed, pills and fake IDs, we weren’t sure if they were headed to a beach weekend or opening an underground CVS. Honestly, Orangeburg may be known for its college and its garden festival, but based on recent exports, it’s mainly producing defendants. Y’all didn’t bring beach towels; you brought probable cause. Most Egregious Offender: Special mention goes to our all-star who combined firearms possession, habitual suspensions, reckless driving and failure to stop, all in one unforgettable incident. Your mugshot will forever grace our Hall of Infamy. SPECIAL AWARDS: Each month, we will now spotlight the most memorable — or infamous — incidents: JULY’S EXPLOSIVE HIGHLIGHTS CRIME
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy MjcyNTM1